2005-07-06, 11:46 a.m.

i'm experimenting with amnesia. or perhaps out of body experiences, or basically just drinking myself into a stupor every night.

and i mean every night. maybe its the summer heat, or my friends' endless calls to go to the pub, or some need to destroy myself, or what have you.

its been fun, yes, but it comes with a toll.

my body breaking down, getting very horribly sick for two weeks, and still drinking without rest. i'm coughing up goo like a zombie, and i'm so tired all the time i've become a major asshole at work. and i've almost suceeded in drinking myself into debt.

i guess that's summer.

i'm taking the week off from the toxins.
maybe it'll be enough, or maybe i'll break down tomorrow...

i don't know.

...

i'm ready for July to be over. i know its summer, but there is two weddings on the way, one this weekend, my sister's a couple after that.

something about weddings just rub me the wrong way, especially when its your friend's. of course i always turn it to be about me. "i'm not ready for this marriage crap, how can they possibly be doing this to me?!!"

i've been swallowing bitter pills the last couple weeks.

lord, give me rest. i need some time to sweat out the poison.

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