2005-04-24, 2:22 p.m.

the snow has covered everything, almost like white cotten candy.

waking up and looking out the window, i thought i was still in the most bizarre dream i had last night. what the fuck? there's snow everywhere. its almost May.

its so odd to see the flowers, bent over with the weight of the snow, and the fledgling leaves and buds of leaves to be all a glow.

i walked to the market to grab some coffee, not two blocks away, and i was literally a snow man.

despite everyone else's crummy mood, i feel all right with this little blizzard. i knew it was bound to happen. god screws me every year with this end of winter bull shit.

i did not have my hopes too high for it. a few days longer, maybe one final snow ball fight, a snow angel here and there... it'll be ok.

...

speaking of high hopes...

for the first time ever i think i've realized just how exactly retarded i act when it comes to girls.

i constantly get my hopes so impossibly high and invest so much in such a small happening.

so i asked a girl out, she said yes, then proceeded to flake out on me every step of the way.

we're talking eighth grade style, putting me on the phone with a friend of hers, giving me her number, telling me how cute her friend is, double date, bull shit.

i'll admit she's cute, but there's more to it than that.

mayhaps i enjoy that new excitement of meeting someone new, which in this town is a hard trick to pull off. that moment, the building up before the first kiss; i get punch drunk off it.

but there was no kiss, christ, she hardly ever talked to me, and i think my new "friend" that introduced us, well, she's not entirely stable herself, telling me only what i wanted to hear.

i deserve better than this.

though i'm not sure how to change my ways.

...

yet here i remain. this town, this town... there's gotta be somebody worth dating who a. i don't know already, b. hasn't screwed anyone else i know in town, and c. is worth dating.

...

a little bird just popped his head into the window, looking very confused. whether or not it was wondering about the strange room inside, or the freak snow storm, well who knows. its just a bird.

...

i've been going to the bar a little too much again. though i've had a few fun adventures. getting hit on by a very drunk, older woman was kinda cool.

still got it.

yeah, she followed me all over the bar, like a hawk, despite my attempts to evade her. luckily she got booted out of the show cause she didn't pay to get in. plus i heard she's married, and yeah, i'll admit, a small dirty part of me considered it for a split second.

i feel like if i'm going to have a one night stand, might as well make it worth it, or maybe redeem myself for the last one that was oh so terrible.

gah. i swear i have a crazy magnet on me somewhere. why do these people seek me out?

maybe i should start thinking with other parts of my body, like my brain.

...

previous-next